The X-Factor #AtoZChallenge #BlogchatterA2Z

Everybody in this world must, at some point in their life, face some challenges or phases of bad luck or sorrow. Nobody is spared pain, and yet, there are differences among people in terms of how they deal with the pain. Some are devastated by relatively minor problems; some, on the other hand, manage to bravely deal with severe trouble and emerge stronger in the end. Once the idea struck me, I found that I couldn’t shake it off. If only we could find that magic formula, that X-factor which makes some people more resilient, wouldn’t life be easier for all of us to bear? We’d simply teach it to everybody and then the whole world would be better able to deal with grief and unhappiness and trouble of all sorts. There wouldn’t be any more broken hearts!

Of course, if it were that simple, psychologists and behavioural scientists wouldn’t have been still researching the issue. Matters of the human heart and mind never are that simple. So while there is no proven magic formula X-factor (yet) to overcome grief and heartache easily, I hereby present to you my own tried and tested “ex-factor” formula to deal with all kinds of pain  – professional disappointments, a broken heart, a lost friendship and so on.

My X-Factor formula involves the following:

  • Time: You need to give time, time. It sounds cliched, I know, but it is a hundred percent true. Time does heal most wounds; the few that it doesn’t heal, it still makes them easier to live with.
  • Distance: Sometimes, putting some distance between yourself and the reason for your pain is a good idea. It could be a temporary or even a permanent step, depending on how strong the need for self-preservation is. The distance could be physical, or just psychological, depending on the demands of the situation.
  • Patience: You’ll need to be very patient with yourself and with the process of healing. You might discover sides of you that you didn’t know existed. Go along with it. See where it takes you. Just don’t do anything that gets you into trouble 🙂
  • Action: No, not that kind! Well, that kind doesn’t hurt either but that’s not what I had in mind right now. I’m referring to activities like gym, yoga, dance classes, book clubs, stand-up comedy nights etc. You need to occupy the mind with such activities so that there’s no brooding over the past. There are enough options available to keep even the fussiest of us reasonably satisfied. Enlist the support of your friends; they will be more than happy to make sure that you don’t sit and mope at home.
  • Discipline: You will need this to ensure that you keep moving forward and don’t waste energy looking back, or wondering about things that might have been. The idea is to ensure that you only look ahead, until the time you naturally stop yearning to look back.
  • Faith: For any of it to work, and for you to start moving towards a happy and productive life once again, you will need to have faith. Faith in your own self, in your ability to transform your life, as well as faith in something higher. If you believe in God, then faith in God. If you don’t believe in God, then perhaps faith in a higher self that you believe will watch over you.

What do you think of this X-factor? Can you think of something essential that should be added to this? Do share!



Other posts you might like to read:

The benefits of Gratitude

Being Spontaneous – Why and How

Keeping it simple



16 thoughts on “The X-Factor #AtoZChallenge #BlogchatterA2Z”

  1. Music and comedy work for me. Of course, one also needs to keep an eye on solutions r actions to improve or get rid of the troublesome situation as well.

  2. You have given sound advice Neha. These are definitely the ways one must deal with tough situations in life. But if only there was a X++ Factor to dealing with life – that would sort things out ASAP! What I wouldn’t do to get my hands on the formula to that one! 🙂

  3. Do you think there is a time for looking back, as well as facing forward? I’m a great believer in reflecting and trying to figure out why things happened as they did and if I can behave any differently in future. That said, I may tend to spend too much time doing that. But it seems to be a necessary stage in the process of grieving and healing for me.

    Great formula, and so true that time is the most important thing!

    1. Yes I think you’re right Cynthia. I will look back at things when I’m trying to process and figure out my way ahead. But I would try to stop myself from lingering there out of nostalgia for what was, or a misplaced belief that what’s lost can be found again. That’s why my focus on looking ahead.

  4. Very helpful points. My motto on bad decisions? “It was what it was when it was.” Quitting a good job and moving to Hawai’i? A good decision at the time. Buying a piece of furniture only to replace it a year later? A good decision at the time. It was what it was when it was.
    Looking back does not change a situation. Life is too full in the present and the future for regrets.

  5. Distance i would say. being sensitive, i actually need to distance myself from few people so that we dont end up in a mess for a long relationship. that distance i hope will give the space at both the end to rethink. Action – walking, cyclling, yoga, and books

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