Everybody in this world must, at some point in their life, face some challenges or phases of bad luck or sorrow. Nobody is spared pain, and yet, there are differences among people in terms of how they deal with the pain. Some are devastated by relatively minor problems; some, on the other hand, manage to bravely deal with severe trouble and emerge stronger in the end. Once the idea struck me, I found that I couldn’t shake it off. If only we could find that magic formula, that X-factor which makes some people more resilient, wouldn’t life be easier for all of us to bear? We’d simply teach it to everybody and then the whole world would be better able to deal with grief and unhappiness and trouble of all sorts. There wouldn’t be any more broken hearts!
Of course, if it were that simple, psychologists and behavioural scientists wouldn’t have been still researching the issue. Matters of the human heart and mind never are that simple. So while there is no proven magic formula X-factor (yet) to overcome grief and heartache easily, I hereby present to you my own tried and tested “ex-factor” formula to deal with all kinds of pain – professional disappointments, a broken heart, a lost friendship and so on.
My X-Factor formula involves the following:
- Time: You need to give time, time. It sounds cliched, I know, but it is a hundred percent true. Time does heal most wounds; the few that it doesn’t heal, it still makes them easier to live with.
- Distance: Sometimes, putting some distance between yourself and the reason for your pain is a good idea. It could be a temporary or even a permanent step, depending on how strong the need for self-preservation is. The distance could be physical, or just psychological, depending on the demands of the situation.
- Patience: You’ll need to be very patient with yourself and with the process of healing. You might discover sides of you that you didn’t know existed. Go along with it. See where it takes you. Just don’t do anything that gets you into trouble 🙂
- Action: No, not that kind! Well, that kind doesn’t hurt either but that’s not what I had in mind right now. I’m referring to activities like gym, yoga, dance classes, book clubs, stand-up comedy nights etc. You need to occupy the mind with such activities so that there’s no brooding over the past. There are enough options available to keep even the fussiest of us reasonably satisfied. Enlist the support of your friends; they will be more than happy to make sure that you don’t sit and mope at home.
- Discipline: You will need this to ensure that you keep moving forward and don’t waste energy looking back, or wondering about things that might have been. The idea is to ensure that you only look ahead, until the time you naturally stop yearning to look back.
- Faith: For any of it to work, and for you to start moving towards a happy and productive life once again, you will need to have faith. Faith in your own self, in your ability to transform your life, as well as faith in something higher. If you believe in God, then faith in God. If you don’t believe in God, then perhaps faith in a higher self that you believe will watch over you.
What do you think of this X-factor? Can you think of something essential that should be added to this? Do share!
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